DEAR MISS MANNERS: At an informal eating restaurant (a nationwide chain), the waitress bringing a number of drinks to our desk — with out a tray, for some cause — had carried my glass of beer underneath her arm.
Sure, underneath her arm.
I’m nonetheless at a loss about what to have performed. I didn’t wish to embarrass the waitress, however I’d have preferred to have despatched the drink again. And what do you say?
“Excuse me, however my drink was underneath your arm”?
However because the bar was out of sight, I used to be not sure what she or anybody else would have performed to my new drink. Any recommendation? Since this was a nationwide chain, and coaching on this space is minimal and never standardized within the U.S., I can sadly think about it occurring once more.
GENTLE READER: Because the captain who gratefully acquired a steaming sizzling mug of espresso from his ensign on a ship pitching in heavy climate can attest, there’s a leap of religion in accepting meals from the fingers of others. (Stated captain ultimately realized that the delivering ensign took a mouthful of the espresso whereas in transit, which he returned to the mug earlier than getting into the bridge.)
Miss Manners doesn’t condone the unsanitary dealing with of meals, however she shouldn’t be the well being division. And she or he is sensible sufficient to appreciate each that there will be variations in what folks think about sanitary, and that, had been you to return the beer, citing your cause, the server would have boundless alternative to do one thing far worse out of sight.
Ask for a supervisor and specific your concern. It could or could not have an effect on your subsequent go to — must you select to return to that restaurant — however it’s going to no less than protect you from retaliation. Miss Manners leaves the choice to drink or to not drink the beer as an train for the reader.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a result of my very own carelessness in not writing an entry on my calendar for a housewarming/party, I forgot about it. The invitation from our associates was by way of social media, to which I had responded that I’d attend.
My most vital concern is what to say to apologize with out sounding just like the occasion was of such little significance that I might have forgotten it. A secondary concern is the medium to make use of to apologize: non-public message by way of a social media channel, or handwritten notice despatched through mail.
I believe that I do know your reply (notice through mail), however is it ever acceptable to specific apologies (or thanks) electronically?
GENTLE READER: Taking the time to write down and publish a letter, along with being the right factor, will enhance your possibilities of acquiring forgiveness. Miss Manners permits digital correspondence for actions requiring probably the most minimal thanks. However as minimal apologies should not more likely to sound real, she is hard-pressed to think about a case by which they’d be both correct or efficient.
The letter ought to reveal your regret by exhibiting your would-be hosts that you simply condemn your self greater than they ever might. Expressing horror at your personal thoughtlessness and the deepest contrition ought to do it.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, [email protected]; or by way of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.