DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I’ve 4 youngsters. We attempt to deal with them persistently, if not equally, relating to items.
However my in-laws have began being sporadic with items. They are going to bathe one baby with presents and do nothing for one more. The youngsters’ birthdays are shut collectively, so the distinction is fairly evident.
We instructed them each that what they wished to do for birthdays was as much as them, and we aren’t asking for items, however we do ask that no matter they do be typically constant throughout the youngsters. They mentioned they don’t should do something, and we should always simply admire no matter they do. They mentioned they had been offended that we even introduced it up.
Are my husband and I being unreasonable to ask that if shut household determine to get a birthday reward for one baby, they need to plan to get a birthday reward for siblings, too, when their particular days roll round? It simply appears imply to do for one and never one other.
GENTLE READER: As your cheap request was unreasonably ignored, Miss Manners presumes you’re questioning what to do subsequent.
Clarify to your family that you’d admire it in the event that they cease giving the youngsters presents in any respect. When requested why, inform the reality: that the inequality is inflicting the youngsters to assume that the grandparents favor one over the opposite.
In the meantime, it’s time to present the youngsters with an necessary life lesson. Clarify to them that your in-laws could also be forgetful about items and the youngsters ought to be pleased about something they obtain.
Consider it as a means of educating your youngsters to be charitable in regards to the unhealthy habits of others. You needn’t add that you just disapprove of your in-laws’ habits.
Kids are liable to repeat such issues.
But when they’re unsubtle in some methods, they’re fast in others. They are going to know the way you are feeling about your in-laws’ forgetfulness with out being instructed.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to attempt to write neatly in handwritten playing cards. I actually did. Nevertheless, recipients at all times had a troublesome time studying my writing, and the issue solely bought worse with age. I’ve taken to typing up my message and printing it on plain paper, which I paste right into a clean card. I signal my identify by hand.
It appears to me that having the ability to learn my phrases of condolence or thanks is extra necessary than seeing the ink on the web page. I’m sending a private message in a bodily card, and never simply taking pictures off an e-mail or sending a pre-printed greeting.
However I’ve to ask: Am I prone to offend somebody?
GENTLE READER: You might be prone to offend somebody — persons are simply offended nowadays — however that in itself isn’t a sign that you’ve got achieved something incorrect.
Miss Manners has no objection to your resolution, though she does disagree together with your premise: The aim of a letter of thanks or condolence is evident even when the phrases should not, and the choice for handwriting is that it demonstrates endurance and a focus on the a part of the author.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, [email protected]; or by way of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.